Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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