After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
