I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
