Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
