I feel great
I just peed on a car
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
