In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
