she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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