I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize