wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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