Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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