went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
