I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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