1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
