Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
pray to the hookup gods
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
