A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
