he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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