The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
