I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
