The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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