can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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