Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
