God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
