Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
