Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
