I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
