he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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