Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
