I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
