So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
