I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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