Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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