why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
