So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
