so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
