saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
