Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
