I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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