you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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