Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
