I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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