There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
