He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
