Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
