his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
