I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
