im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
