he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize