In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
