The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
