She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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