His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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