Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
