Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
