I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
