White coat. Heels.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
