I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
