It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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