So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
