I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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