Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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