i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was like eating out sand paper
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
