Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
why is half of my head shaved?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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