was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
