I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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