I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize