Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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