Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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