I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
