Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize