I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
