Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So vagazzling was a success
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
