i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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