take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
