your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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