he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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